Week 6 Story Revision
There once was two sisters, Chione and Dalilah, whom lived in a very rich garden full of every fruit and flower you could imagine. They loved to spend their time running through the garden playing tag and smelling the sweet flowers. They would sit and enjoy a basket of fruit they had collected, talking about how they wanted to marry a prince and live in a beautiful palace with their own gardens. One day their father overheard them talking about marriage and knew the time had come. Upon the next day he called Chione out from the garden to come meet a guest. The guest was nicely dressed and spoke of taking Chione to his land and living happily with her never having to do any work. Chione thought that he must have been the prince she had been dreaming and longing for. She agreed to marry him and by the evening they were husband and wife. Dalilah was very saddened to see her sister marry and leave the home but still had hope for her own happiness.
As the days went by, Chione and Dalilah kept in contact by sending letters. Chione was telling Dalilah how her husband, Anpu, was so lazy and made his brother do all the work. Chione was also very upset because she had been fooled into thinking that Anpu was of royalty and had his own palace, only to find out his "palace" was his farmland. Overall, Chione was very upset and said that she had began to admire Anpu's brother Bata. Dalilah advised her to be faithful and not attempt anything with Bata. However, little did she know, that would be the last letter her sister would receive. Within a week's time of sending her letter to Chione, Anpu showed up to the door of their father's to announce the death of Chione.
As time went by, another man appeared at their father's doorstep asking for a wife. He claimed how he had a beautiful garden with lovely acacia flowers and how he would love her forever. Dalilah loved acacias and therefore agreed to marry the man. Now, Dalilah soon found out the man was not truthful in what he said. There were flowers but the man, Bata, would not let her out the house to enjoy them in the fresh wind. Bata would only bring some in for her after hunting. She became so depressed that one day a wave from the sea came and spoke of how Dalilah could have true happiness if only she told Bata's deepest secret. Hearing this, she agreed and was swept away to live in a palace with not one, but two beautiful gardens. The king, being of high power, did not fully love Dalilah like Bata had. She became even more depressed and missed Bata. Yet little did she know, telling his secret actually killed Bata. Dalilah then lived out her days depressed in the beautiful palace taking care of this one tree, the acacia.
Authors Note:
I decided to use this story for the story lab revision based on some of the comments I received such as font change, more detail on the sister's lives. I originally chose to tell the girls' side of the story from "Two Brothers". I wanted to explore the reasons behind why they did the things the did. Such as having the sisters being unhappy in their marriages because that's not what "they had imagined". Then to have Dalilah see that even though you get what you want physically, it doesn't outweigh what you get mentally.
Bibliography:
Hey Crystel! What a great message to have in your story! I don't know what your original font was, but I definitely like the one you used this time around. Is the man the second sister ended up marrying the first time the brother to her sisters husband? That's wild. I'm a little curious as to how the first sister died. Did she commit suicide? Did she try making a move on her husbands brother and get caught?
ReplyDeleteHey Crystel!
ReplyDeleteI like that you went back and really took in people’s comments. I honestly forget sometimes to check my comments on my blog posts since I focus on my portfolio stories so much but I am glad that you did. This is a great story and you revised it to be even greater. I am definitely going to go back to my comments now and see what I am missing!
Hello Crystel!
ReplyDeleteI was sad to see that Dalilah was tricked by Bata and would not allow her to go outside to see the flowers. That would surly be depressing. I thought it was interesting how she was told by the sea that she could find happiness and go live with the king, yet it was not completely honest with her either. I liked that you explained this was possible because of the king's power, but again Delilah seemed to be tricked into thinking that he would treat her better.
Great job!